Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
only if we run a train.
done.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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