It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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