"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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