I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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