Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
