i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Help. Why am I so naked?
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