how do flat chested girls get laid?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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