yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
actually, I'm a sock model
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
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