I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
