i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
