So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
