I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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