i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
