Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I am puke
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
