the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
