Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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