I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
