I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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