i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
