just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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