it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
