spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
