After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
