I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize