oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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