She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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