I can tuck mytits in my pants
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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