Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
