The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
