all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
