the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
