You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
