Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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