Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
