You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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