I like my sex mixed with concussions.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
