i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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