is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
