i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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