So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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