my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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