I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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