All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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