Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
