I need help removing her.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
So many bounce houses so little time
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
