Cold hands, warm shart.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
