I seem to have left my pride at pride
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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