see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
