Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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