We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
