Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
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