Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize