btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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