He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
