i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
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