I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Can I color on your dick again?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
