I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
