I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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