we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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