Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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