I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Is it because I queefed?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize