Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
