I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
