totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
