break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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