Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
