So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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