life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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