honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize